Stunts In Real Life

Obligatory picture of a man pulling off a minor stunt, just to grab the reader.
Obligatory picture of a man pulling off a minor stunt, just to grab the reader.

In this narcissistic blog of myself, I almost always speak about myself, my opinions, my observations, my suggestions, my research etc. Therefore, as a natural extension of my uncanny ability to go on about myself, I wish to acknowledge a stunt of sorts which I pulled off in real life to prove to be some value to a friend and to an idea he stood for. He has since moved on, so it would not be too harsh to have a little giggle about the inconvenient situation. So, I have been quite the music buff for quite some time.

All my worldly possessions, all the moh-maya-carrying baggage compressed into three mere bags.

And consequently, after lazing around for about a year in Mumbai, I finally bought a guitar. I would use all sorts of fancy words to describe the kind of guitar I bought, but since the majority of people are not into it, I will just say it was a “black non-electric guitar” which I happened to get at a really cheap price. I composed many Billboard-topping tunes on it, which would have topped the billboard, had I not dropped them within half an hour of conceiving (so hope, much optimism).

But before I knew, I had to move on to Bangalore, since I took up a brand new, challenging role in Tech at Sportskeeda. And being the minimalistic person that I am, when I packed up, I only had 3 bags to carry with me (including my laptop). That’s right. All my worldly possessions, all the moh-maya-carrying baggage compressed into three mere bags. But, then I set my eyes on my guitar, which I had excluded from packing. I did a quick mental guesstimate on the amount of inconvenience it would cause me to carry my guitar when I was trying to push my luggage down by as much as possible. And that inconvenience was pretty damn much.

So, I did the unthinkable (in my head). I decided to sell the guitar. Now, for those of you who have not had the opportunity to be close to me, I’m a very very nice guy. So much, that the only nicer guy that I can think of is Ned Flanders. So, I decided to turn selling of guitar into something altruistic. One of my good friends had been sweating hard on a product, a marketplace where friends would sell their stuff to other friends. I liked the neat idea, and decided to list my guitar there.

My listing on trustydeal.com
My listing on trustydeal.com

Now, I’m no sales guru or a marketer. But my pitch was pretty neat. Here it is for my goodfellas.

Jimm Jet Black hollow acoustic guitar in excellent quality and sound. Used for under a year. selling because I’m moving out of the city and I don’t want to carry a lot of stuff. Will also be giving a set of plectrums / pick and an old carry-bag. Price is slightly negotiable based on how good you negotiate. 🙂

See? Neat, right? But the catch is, I also, very publicly, decided not to list it anywhere else either. This is about as big a stunt as I’m capable of doing without risking my life. 😀 Screen Shot 2015-04-19 at 11.39.34 pm Now, long story short, the guitar has found no buyers. So where does that leave us? Well, two months fast-forward, the guitar is lying back at Mumbai, and none of my old roommates have picked it up, or as much as dusted it, because the only time they pick guitars, is for Instagram poses (not that I expected them to learn it 😀 )

Vikram poses with a guitar he doesn't know how to play.
Vikram poses with a guitar that he doesn’t know how to play.

To whom it may concern, this is my final pitch. The guitar is good. It turns you into a good person. It will:

– resolve all your girlfriend issues (or help you get one, or help you break up with one, whichever applies. Basically, whatever you wish for),

– convince your parents that you care about your health and that you also go to the gym regularly,

– guarantee you a promotion in job,

– bless you with more followers on Twitter,

– look cool in your living room (a dirty room with a guitar immediately makes you look like a badass hippie that all the cool girls want to hang out with, who might have a refrigerator full of beer and closet full of controlled chemicals of substance abuse),

– give you a licence to claim to know the intricacies of music when high-minded discussions about Floyd vs Soundgarden might break out in your Friday evening discussions.

Okay, one final stunt. You can have the guitar for free if I’m convinced you will not let that baby rot in dust. Seriously.

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